Reasons why kids place blame for a divorce on one parent

Divorce is difficult for every member of a New Jersey family, and sometimes, the kids can have a difficult time navigating the changes brought by the end of a marriage. It is normal for children to have strong emotions about the changes they are experiencing, including anger and disappointment. There are times when the kids may place the blame for their parents’ divorce on one parent, resulting in harm to the parent-child relationship. 

While you cannot control how your children feel about your divorce, there are things you can do that help preserve the relationship you have with your kids. One of the most important things you can do is to recognize that your children are having a difficult time and to respect their feelings. You can also work to ensure that the terms of your custody and visitation order provide them with as much stability and security as possible. 

Help and understanding 

Even older kids may lack the capacity to understand the complexities of adult relationships. They may not be able to process the reasons why you chose to divorce, even if you try to explain it to them. The following are the most common reasons why kids choose to place the blame on one parent for a divorce: 

• The reasons for a divorce may be too complex for children to understand, even if both parents attempt to explain it. 
• Children, especially younger ones, are concrete thinkers, and they may have a difficult time processing all of the changes they are experiencing. 
• If they perceive that one parent seems more vulnerable than the other, they may decide to “side” with that parent in a show of support. 

If your children express that they believe you are to blame for what is happening, remember to be calm, and do not direct the blame back on the other parent. Instead, be patient as they adjust, and keep their best interests as your primary goal. 

The future for your kids 

Divorce will change virtually every area of life for your kids. As they express their feelings over these transitions, remain patient and understanding. In the meantime, consider whatever custody terms will provide them with peace of mind and as much continuity of lifestyle as possible. In most cases, children will eventually adjust, and you will all be able to look forward to a peaceful future together.