Help For Divorced or Separated Parents To Successfully Co-Parent
Every parent needs some guidance, help, and support during and after a divorce or separation. Everything is new, and the rules have changed. Some divorces and separations are emotionally charged. At times, it can feel as though nothing is fair, makes sense, or is easy.
Attorney Rajeh A. Saadeh understands how New Jersey divorce and separation affects you and your children. He and the attorneys at the firm offer experienced and personal support, guidance, and information on how to co-parent to best meet the needs of your kids.
Strong Feelings Are Normal Before And During A Divorce or Separation
People separate or get divorced because the marriage or relationship isn’t working. Old wounds and unexpressed hurts can emerge at any time during the process and make co-parenting more difficult. The other parent may do things that trigger you. At times, you may feel that you are the better parent. You may also feel guilty for divorcing or separating, as it can put added stress on your kids. These are all common emotions. There is no one-size-fits-all fix for difficult emotions, but there are mindsets, groups, apps, and books that can help you co-parent.
There are many ways to sabotage the co-parenting process. It can be tempting to overreact, fight in front of your kids, or disparage the other parent. You may want to be the parent who always says yes, even when you should be setting boundaries. It is human to feel this way. However, it is neither in your or the children’s best interests to do any of these things. Instead, play the long game. Keep your emotions in check, and find a healthy release for your frustration, disappointment, fear, and anger. Model what good behavior looks like. Stay consistent. Set boundaries, and stick to them. If you do disagree with your ex, talk about it in private. Never use your kids as messengers.
How To Keep Your Emotions In Check
Resources that help divorcing or separated parents abound. Find one or two approaches that make sense to you. You can also try something new. If it works, stick with it. If it doesn’t seem to help, move on to a different method. Resources for divorcing or separated parents include:
- Local divorced or separated parents groups; check out your local community education page or your local library
- Books on co-parenting such as Between Two Homes: A Coparenting Handbook, or Parenting Apart or Mom’s House, Dad’s House, or The Co-Parents’ Handbook
- Apps that allow more fluid communication, such as Our Family Wizard or Coparently, Cozi, or 2Houses
- Online co-parenting courses such as those listed on UptoParents.org
- Talk therapy: Intense emotions may need an outlet. Consider working with a therapist who focuses on co-parenting for the first few months during this process
- Self-improvement: This may mean getting in shape, going back to school, learning a new skill, or taking a class on something that’s always been of interest to you. A divorce or separation is a new chapter and brings an opportunity for personal change and growth. Take advantage of having “me” time.
- Classes: Reconnect with your spirit in a class or by yourself. Try or return to something that may bring you back into balance: yoga, tai chi, meditation, church, temple, camping, hiking, gardening, woodwork. Any of these can provide you with mental clarity and enable you to be more self-reflective and patient, and less reactive.
Working with an attorney experienced in New Jersey family law issues can also put you in touch with resources. Rajah A. Saadeh has helped hundreds of parents successfully divorce, figure out custody, and how to co-parent. It’s ok to express your concerns and ask questions during this process.
Move Forward With Confidence
Take steps in the right direction by opening up to the new possibilities that a new chapter brings. See this time as an opportunity to develop your parenting and co-parenting skills at any stage of your divorce process.
The attorneys at The Law Office of Rajeh A. Saadeh, L.L.C., handles divorce and family law issues throughout the greater Middlesex metro area. Call our Bridgewater office to speak with us or set up a consultation: 908-396-8330. You may also reach online with our online form. We are here to help you succeed.